Break my heart and start again
by CanadianFreakshow
Summary: Things had been coming to a head for a while now. They had been dancing around one another for weeks with no conversations about what this was. What they felt. What they wanted. What they were.


Things had been coming to a head for a while now. They had been dancing around one another for weeks with no conversations about what this was. What they felt. What they wanted. What they were.

Frankly, the way things stood were driving Judy absolutely crazy. Too many nights now had she laid in her bed, alone, wondering what she was doing wrong, what she could do to make things more concrete and make more sense.

By now, she knew that she was in love with Nick. That was a fact that was completely indisputable, and she could no longer continue to keep telling herself that the fact wasn't true. That she was just jumping on things too quickly, and these feelings were just her own deep-seated issues toward romantic relationships. After having had too many conversations with herself about how things were, she had finally accepted it.

Nick, on the other hand, he was impossible to read about the situation. He had not expressed any sense of emotions about things since the initial acceptance of them going to try to work out a relationship. From what he had last told her, he was interested, but through action, nothing had happened. At all. It had now just become a confusing guessing game that no one was winning.

All of this is what led her to stand outside of his shabby apartment door to his gritty apartment at 11:00 at night on a Saturday. She knew since it was a weekend that he would most likely still be awake around this time since of course, they didn't have work the next day. She just couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't handle the guessing games filled with sleepless nights and too many tears that she would resist admitting to anyone about. She needed solace.

Shakily, she straightened herself up, trying to make it seem as if she _hadn't_ just drug herself out of bed and throw on whatever clothes were the closest to her in the closet and drawers. After doing so, she took a deep breath, and hesitantly reached forward and knocked on the door. At first, there were no sounds of disturbance within the apartment, and she was completely prepared to just skitter away and give up for the evening. However, after 30 seconds, she heard the sound of someone making their way over to the door.

It took no time for the door to creak open and for the familiar face of the red fox to appear in the doorway. Judy was well aware of how familiar this scene was, as it was almost like a carbon copy of what had happened only a few months prior when she had admitted that she had feelings for him. The same surprised expression was on Nick's face, however, there was a tinge of dread and knowing to it.

"Judy, what are you doing here so late at night? Is everything okay?" The fox tiredly said. He didn't look like he was in the middle of slumber, but he clearly wasn't expecting any company to arrive that night.

"Nick, I'm really sorry for coming here so late but, I think we need to talk." Judy's ears were drooped, and she just knew that the anxiety she felt was showing all over her face and body language.

Nick swallowed but nodded and silently opened the door for her to come in. She did so, slowly taking her shoes and coat off and sat on the shabby couch, waiting for Nick to come and join her.

She took a deep breath before biting the bullet and just diving right into it. "So, I know this is going to sound super silly, and juvenile and what not but Nick. I have to know. What the hell are we? I've wanted to ask for a really long time now, but I haven't wanted to seem clingy or pushy, so I just kept putting it off. I don't want to mess things up but, I'm losing my god damn mind! So please just. Be honest with me, I promise I won't get mad."

For the time that she had expressed all of that, she had been looking at the tv remote on the coffee table, pointedly too afraid to see Nick's reaction to what she was saying. When she finished, she finally looked up to see an unsettling expression on his face. It was a horrifying mixture of terror, sadness, and frustration that made Judy's stomach completely drop to the floor. It wasn't hard to figure out that this conversation was not going to go in the direction she had hoped it would and she gripped the fabric of her pants as if attempting to brace for impact.

Nick didn't say anything for a minute, clearly trying to prepare himself for what he was about to say. Eventually, she heard him take a shaky breath and break the silence.

"Judy, I don't really know how to say this. I'm so deadly afraid of messing our friendship up. I didn't say anything for a while because our friendship means too much to me and I just don't want you to hate me. Especially when we work together every day. I'm terrified. Here's the truth though."

Nick hesitated for a moment, clearly afraid to say what he was about to. "I don't have feelings for you."

In that moment, Judy felt her heart shatter into a million pieces and she suddenly felt completely empty inside like she could no longer feel anything at all. Nick continued his spiel even as this coldness spread through her.

"Please, please, please don't blame yourself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you or that you did wrong. You're beautiful, funny, intelligent and my best friend. If anything, I think there's something wrong with me. I know I told you that I did have feelings for you, but I really hadn't thought about being with you until you confessed to me. I honestly thought that gaining feelings for you would be so easy and it would happen quickly, but it didn't. I never wanted to hurt you, I promise you, Judy."

As she listened to what he had to say, Judy couldn't stop the tears that began to well up in her eyes. She didn't understand how things had gone so wrong, so quickly. It was only a few months ago that she had been filled with such hope and happiness at the idea of this new romance. She had felt wanted and like her life had been finally fitting together just how she wanted.

And now things had turned out like this. Life was just cruel, wasn't it?

At the sight of her tears, Nick's expression turned to one of great concern but also anxiety. "Carrots, I'm so sorry, please don't cry. You know how I hate it when you cry."

Judy curled into herself in an attempt to stop herself from letting out a pitiful sob. She simply shook her head and replied. "You really don't get it, do you?"

Nick let you a confused noise. "What do you mean?"

"Nick, I'm in love with you. I thought it was safe to do that. I thought you wanted me back. So, I let myself fall in love with you, and now…what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to deal with this Nick?"

Nick stared at her shocked and disbelieving clearly these turn of events. His mouth was hanging open slightly, his brows furrowed. "Judy I…I don't understand. Why?"

Judy shook her head. "You're smart Nick, but god you can be an idiot sometimes. Why _wouldn't_ I be in love with you? You're smart, the funniest, and so unbelievably kind whether you want people to believe that or not. You're special. Before you, I had so many trust issues about certain things and then you broke them all. So really, it shouldn't be surprised at all about the why."

Nick didn't say anything for a few moments, clearly speechless. Before he could even think of something to say, Judy spoke again. "Don't worry Nick. We're still friends. I'm not about to lose something as important as what we have over something as _juvenile_ as my feelings." She stood up, grabbing for her coat. "I won't bother you about any of this again and we can just… forget it."

Putting on her coat, she made her way towards the door, trying to ignore the sound of Nick scrambling up off the couch himself. "Judy, are you going to be okay?"

Judy stopped paw on the door handle, back towards Nick. "I'll get over it, Nick. Just… be patient with me, okay?"

Without waiting for a reply, Judy opened the door and walked out, leaving Nick to deal with the aftermath and ignoring the tears streaming down her face.


End file.
